How Will I spend My Heart Today? On BS or Mindfulness?

Hiya Radiant Renegade,

How do you feel about really truly deeply being seen? Including your insecurities, shadows & secret darkness? I had an enlightening run-in with some of my old BS just last week.

As I’m basking in the quiet of my favorite park, writing by this very peeeaceful pond (in the photo), a noisy group sauntered into my sanctuary and plopped down in the shade behind me.

Ugh.

I continue writing, trying to ignore the prickly feeling of eyes and action behind me. One dude is particularly loud. Generally, I love listening to other languages – I have this excited feeling that I understand what’s being said, even when I don’t. But today, his foreign tongue is like a jackhammer and he seems to be the only one carrying the conversation.

I ask my angels if they’d help !@#$ quiet him. Oh wait. Trying to change him is a disempowering focus. Instead, I need to shift my own intention and response. It feels better to say, Thank you angels, in advance, for helping me tune out the distraction.

Soon enough I notice a tremendous turtle sunbathing on a rock. Some swallows are swooping and playing in the air. A goldfinch flies past. Colorful dragonflies are whisking all around. Ducks and geese are feeding nearby in their funny bottoms-up way. Earlier, a small snake had swam seamlessly through the sunlit water.

While marveling at this wide-eyed world, I forget my cares and remember what matters.

And I’ve been able to ignore, somewhat, the incessant talker, who is still rattling away. My goodness.

It’s getting too warm sitting in the sun and I want to gather up my books, beach chair and snacks and waddle over into the shade, about twenty feet away. But I hesitate. I fear the roving eyes behind me. Oooph.

My residual BS has bubbled up – the old Belief System that fears my dwarfism & I will be judged, rejected, humiliated. I shake my head. Why do I care what they think? What will they do, throw stones? Tomatoes? Call me ugly? Laugh? WHO CARES!

Apparently, I still do.

I take some deep breaths, relax and prepare myself to stand up and BE SEEN. Go ahead Jule, they can’t hurt you. You are free to be yourself in this world. This is a great opportunity to bust through the BS. Reclaim the joy.

I awkwardly stand and . . . you know what?

The chatterbox shuts right up.

Hee hee.

By facing my fear, I get my wish ~ his mouth is firmly muzzled. (My inner BS was speechless, too.)

In the past, I’ve dreaded that hushed reaction to me. The shocked looks. Today, the quiet is my reward.

I grab my gear and shuffle into the shade, chuckling to myself. I am an anti-gab Goddess. A shift in perspective is everyone’s super soul power, available anywhere, anytime.

I sit back down and put my notebook on my lap. Suddenly a white-tailed dragonfly (I Googled it) lands on my writing. I watch in surprise as her tiny velvety body breathes. It isn’t a quick flutter – her whole body expands slowly and then contracts. Wow!

Then I realize her fabulous domino looking wings are perfectly covering just one sentence. I’d written it in the upper corner of my page this morning~

“How will I spend my heart today?”

Will I give away my joy because of other people’s reaction? Or will I stand up and be who I am, in peace (or flat out enthusiasm.)

Will I focus on an argument with an old friend/partner/sibling/kids? Or will I send them love bombs and release thoughts of right or wrong.

Will I try to control the outcome of some ‘uncomfortable’ circumstances? Or will I breathe deeply, expand my heart, my love and my willingness to grow.

Will I judge what’s ugly in me/them/the world? Or will I search for what’s beautiful around me and within me.

Will I spend my heart on self-doubt? Worry? Criticism? Shrink away from my challenges?

Or will I trust life to unfold in spectacular ways.

The dragonfly’s work has dominoed and is done. She lifts off the page, hovers for a moment and then zips toward the open water, taking some of my black and white BS with her.

How will you spend your heart today?

Let me know in the comments, I loooove hearing from you : )

You'll never rise any higher than the way you see yourself

I see you, 

with lotsa love~

Julie 

 

4 responses to “How Will I spend My Heart Today? On BS or Mindfulness?

  1. Trish Lynch

    Julie! I can see the whole scene in my mind’s eye. And reading your words actually relaxed ME. Your perspective is brilliant. The end result was: you focused, you accepted and you were rewarded with quiet. ahhhhh. We spend so much time keeping score, we lose the game. Today I will mindfully write some thank you’s to friends who shared my birthday. But before I get to that, I will open my heart to my angry son who has to meet with his tutor (cue the gasp) today for one hour. Instead of playing on his iPod, he will have to do some school work. That is a huge bummer for him, I need to accept that. But I know it is good for him, she is an expert on Dyslexia and can help him with his organizational issues. He doesn’t appreciate that and won’t even consider it. He won’t embrace who he is. I need to accept that too. I can’t change his mood, I can’t worry that he won’t cooperate with the tutor and our money will be wasted. I just need to let it be. Your email came at the perfect time. I love you! Keep ’em coming!!!!!

  2. Julie Genovese

    Trish you are the best commenter EVER! I loved how you reframed your worries and concerns – your efforts will bubble out to Jimmy even if you can’t “see” it working. Your acceptance and change in attitude will help soften his, on some level. We’re all so deeply connected. THANK YOU for being my divine and devoted reader, it means so much to me! I love you!

  3. Dragongly tells us to beware of illusion, break through the illusion (and BS)that limits growth and change by using the magic of color to shift our vibration (which you did by admiring her wings).
    Great writing! :-)

  4. Julie Genovese

    Hiya Olivia! I completely forgot about Dragonfly medicine for breaking through illusion, thank you! I’d never heard about ‘using the magic of color to shift’ part but I sure was admiring ALL the colors swirling around me and that always feels very healing. I also saw a black winged dragonfly with velvet black wings and a bright iridescent green body ~ amazing. Thank you soooo much for reading and commenting! You rawk sistah = )

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