Category Archives: Inner child

When our hearts are breaking, for a million different reasons…

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In these wild times, how do we stay peaceful. . . and faith-filled?  

There are many scary things and loud people out there grabbing for our attention, and many inner fears and beliefs derailing our positive in-tentions. It’s easy to be left feeling fractured, frizzled and frantic.  

If we let our mind spin in it’s worry-state, though, we’re trusting only our small scared self to figure it all out. Alone. No wonder it’s overwhelming! We’re stuck circling our issues, in a very limited space. 

“Worry is prayer that we pray to ourselves instead of to God.” ~Chris Smith

Do we more often dabble in doubt or the divine?✨ 

There’s an area of our brain called the reticular activating system – RAS. It’s job is to edit out endless daily data that bombards us. The RAS allows into our conscious mind what we’re interested in, what we believe in etc. It edits out what doesn’t confirm our belief systems (BS,) or contradicts the labels and identities we may have carried since childhood. Our “stories” may be so dang convincing to us that we think of them as reality. 

Ever bought a car you’d rarely seen, in a color you thought was different? Then you get out on the road and that exact car is everywhere. The car had always been around, but your RAS never picked up on it until you put it on your radar. 

This isn’t woo-woo-ery. It’s science.

If we stay focused on the problem, on what’s “wrong,” the RAS is blind to the good stuff. 

What we believe about our life is what we keep seeing, and then we keep believing, and thus, we keep recreating. “Reality” is the outer representation of our inner beliefs.

Our RAS isn’t programed for right or wrong, it’s wired according to our focus. It’s a tool – a neutral search engine – scanning for evidence of our expectations. So if I reaffirm, “I didn’t do enough today,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “The world is broken,” “money corrupts,” etc… I’ll see the “proof.” Our RAS acts like a prayer to the universe and keeps regurgitating evidence of our beliefs. They have been “real” for us, but that doesn’t mean they have to stay that way.

As soon as I shift my attention to the ‘simple’ things that are going smoothly, I’ll notice more of those. It helps me stay connected, grateful, hopeful, productive. And in that place, my heart and soul have more influence and power in my life, and beyond.  

Sometimes we stick to being “right” about the things that actually feel “wrong” – like “I’m too old,” “Murphy’s Law,” “the cup is half empty,” “I don’t have enough _______.” Being ‘right’ about negative beliefs is a familiar prison. The suffering is what we’ve known, and staying in it might seem safer than change. Humans want to feel loved, accepted and ‘right’ in the eyes of our herd. Being “wrong” means feeling bad, unacceptable and rejected by the herd.  

I saw this angel cloud on Wayne Dyer’s birthday. A self-portrait, no doubt

Step away from the dysfunctional pasture. 

If we point a helpless finger outward at the cow pies, political parties, president, culture, corporations, violence, losses, health, gender, appearances, past, parents, or partner, for letting us down, we’ll endlessly spin outside ourselves. Our mind will feel crazed and ungrounded because our leverage doesn’t exist out there.

But going within, to harness our light, might also means facing our shadowy stuff, and that can be a scary deterrent. 

Inside is where our vulnerability and fears are waiting to be witnessed – they’re our little lost kids – they’re hurting, wounded, raging, distrusting, defiant, powerless and pitching a hissy fit. They haven’t felt heard. Life knocked the wind out of their sails, and laughed in their face. Getting their hopes up means they could be dashed, again. Disappointment is terrifying. They’ll stop us from trying again, for our own protection.

So when we give our RAS more hope-filled focus, like imagining a peaceful world, a united government, a happier career, better health, relationships, finances, or a new adventure, guess what happens? 

Old beliefs surface, dragging their miserable movie reels from our past. 

Emotions boil up. It can be embarrassing to our “adult” self. But just let the little kid FEEL, and let the resistance and grief surface. It diffuses the voltage. It gives us a chance to feel compassion for our younger selves, and to question the manure we keep stepping in. 

Notice the old lies. Wipe the overdue tears. And smile. It’s been a long poopy path.

It takes courage to FEEL – it also births more courage.

Take a deep and satisfying breath in, right now. Ground yourself and allow Source, God and the angels, to flood your senses. Fill the emptiness. Empty the worry. Let Mother Nature envelope and breathe with you. Let your soul light pour in. Expand your rays, like the mini-sun that you are. 

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m giving my attention to what’s “wrong” and judging it, them or me. As I remember to shift my focus inward, breathe my energy back home to my heart and body, I can relax (or cry, if needed.) Then I have room to hold the larger light of Spirit.

If we broaden our awareness each day, by imagining the radiant bubble of light within and around us, expanding – we create a bigger playground. In that vastness, our heart opens. Or maybe our heart opens us to the vastness. Either way, our worries become smaller, after a few deep breaths, and one envisioning, several times a day.

We can invite in the Divine, even while we’re driving, walking in a parking lot, or waiting in line. Our attention, imagination, feelings and thoughts direct the Light energy that we are (which inspires our actions.) Our daily focus is a priceless power tool – the more we practice, the deeper the habit grows.

Tell new good-feeling stories about your life. Turn the past crap into fertilizer for the future. Let the fresh air of truth blow in.

Point your prayers in uplifting directions.  

Go for that walk, admire the sky, relax in the sun, cuddle with a pet, climb that mountain, do something new, read a good book, love your body, send healing to the globe, doodle, celebrate the signs, meditate, make a smoothie, do some spring cleaning, sit in the boundlessness. Marvel at it all.

The simple stuff … saves us.

May our hearts be broken open, in appreciation, for all that’s been given.  

Keep looking in, with awareness, keep looking out, in awe, and life will keep looking up.

with lotsa love,
and ginormous joy

New bookmarks available at my Etsy shop ~

Loved ones are never lost ~

Ram Dass ~

You are a rock star ~

There is always music amongst the trees in the garden ~

Courage doesn’t always roar ~

We have been friends together ~

Finding Self Acceptance in the Mirror of Anger, Blame or Disappointment

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Has anyone upset you lately? When I get rattled, generally it’s by folks who:

1. Blame others (and won’t change themselves)

2. Judge & criticize (and won’t change themselves)

3. Use anger & superiority to cover fear (and won’t change themselves)

There’s a theme, I know.

Here’s one way to fix their wagon. Close your eyes for a sec and imagine the last chucklehead who left you miffed. Or sad. In a funk. List the first three qualities in them that really get stuck under your craw.

Go ahead. I’ll wait.

So, as you’ve probably guessed, the dreaded list you & I just compiled is . . . a mirror of some teensy denied aspect of ourselves. Embarrassing, I know. I especially hate my bogus Holier-Than-Thou shield. OY. I want peace on earth!

Hold the phone; I just said hate. That can’t have a happy ending.

Here’s an example of the mirror at work in our home. One day, my son Spencer nervously informs hubby, “The computer is doing something weird.” Bill’s face tightens as he darts toward the PC to begin CPR. “Who downloaded the blah blah blah? Who was eating pretzels in here? Who dragged this icon out of the dock?” he loudly demands.

I walk in, hoping to ease the tension. “Take a deep breath, hon, you always figure it out.” This strangely adds fuel to the fire. “It’s always ME that has to fix everything!” he yells. “No one else bothers! Now it’s $1000 down the drain!”

I start to quietly fume.

I feel awful for Spence and tell him we should give Dad some space. I slam the door behind us (ahem) as I plot my recourse. I have my ad nauseum list of complaints at the ready – “Bill, you react in anger, but you’re really just afraid. Afraid that the PC’s broken. Afraid it’s your fault because you can’t fix it. But you blame everyone else instead. You’ve been doing the same dang thing for years. Over the car. The boss. Why do you always react this way? Why won’t you change? You’re hurting the boys the same way you were hurt! Why won’t you stop the cycle?”

So how’s this a mirror of moi? Where do I refuse to change? I continue to overreact to his overreaction, as I always have. I insist that HE change because I’m afraid that I can’t change myself. I’ve been doing the same dang thing for years. I hide my feelings under anger. I punish him for my out-of-control fear. I’m afraid I can’t be okay unless HE does ‘better’ (aka he conforms to my wishes.) Talk about controlling. I hurt my boys when I overreact, blame and criticize Bill for my same shortcomings. Why won’t I stop the cycle? 

(BTW Bill fixed the computer. And he apologized to Spence afterward.)

I recognize Bill’s pain because it lives in me, too. (I often ignore this.) When he gets upset, I feel vulnerable and my inner fifth grader takes control. Oh snap.

She’s a defensive finger pointer (“he started it.”) She lists his faults and uses criticism to throw the spotlight off her own glaring issues.

“I am NOT that immaturity, that callousness, th-th-that humanness!”

As if.

Clearly, I’m rather mortified by my flaws and I’d much prefer to chuck them out onto Bill. I’m better off making peace with the immature scuz-bucket BS (belief systems) that are within me.

*Spoiler alert* – this is a lifetime effort. Fond as we are of “quick and easy,” there appear to be no short cuts. Sigh.

The scoundrels we rally against give us accurate feedback about the denied pain and unfinished business in ourselves. The more we plug our hearts to the frazzled fifth grader within, the more she pops up. Either:

1. We’re surrounded by nincompoops who won’t change!


2. We’re denying our inner toddler or teen, who just needs radical acceptance.

Personal power is . . . behind door number 2.

When someone’s BS makes me want to hurl, it’s my own rubbish in hiding. If I can find the common ground between us, I can find compassion for us, too. It’s my response-ability to be honest with myself and FEEL. If there are waterworks that have been stifled, I have to let ‘em rip.

When my old crap comes up, again and again, and I feel pathetic because I can’t get it right, I step away from the self-battering ram. Punishment is a clear sign that the freaked-out fifth grader is at the helm. Ignoring her just reinforces her motto, “it’s me against the world.” Aw.

The inner critic, perfectionist or judge is just a little kid who’s been hurt. Humiliated. Abandoned. They’re in sore need of love. Warm milk. Chips and dip. Invite them in. Listen to the old BS that has them scared silly. Bear witness to their pain.

To further sooth ourselves after a hit and run with a painful mirror, think about the people who inspire us. Make a long list of their stunning qualities. These are us, too. Phew and YAY! The mirror swings both ways. Every time we celebrate someone else’s awesomeness, we’re witnessing our own.

Each time we can welcome in the pain we’ve cast out, we are a little freer. When we love it all, the way our soul Loves, we’re aligned with our divinity. Our joy. It’s more available to us all thanks to that sassafrassarassa mirror. Touche universe.

So shine a light on those dark places. Accept them with understanding. A group hug. It’s been a harrowing road. Honor your whole self truthfully. Lovingly. In whatever mirror that toddles by.

Sending comfort, compassion and lotsa love your way~
~❤~ Julie